Author's Note
The first man told a tale about the deer he was with. It was his wife, they had no children so he adopted the child of a servant. The wife was jealous so she turned the boy and his mother into a calf and cow. The cow was slaughtered but the steward's daughter saved the calf and turned him back human. They married and she turned the bad wife into a deer.
The second man came with two dogs. They were his brothers and were wicked. They had been turned into dogs by a fairy who the man was going to see. However, Scheherazade does not know the third man's story, so I am going to tell that one now. It also alludes to two magicians from the Aladdin story, who are searching for a lamp.
The Third Old Man
When the second old man had finished his marvelous story and had also gotten a third of the merchant’s punishment, it was the third man’s turn to speak up, “With your permission, I would like to tell you my story and I can guarantee you will find it even more astonishing than the two you have already heard. Therefore, can I ask you the same request you granted the other two?”
“Yes,” replied the genie, "provided that your story is better than that of the two black dogs you will also get a third of the merchant's punishment.”
So, the third old man began his story:
I am the adopted son of the man with the deer. I was indeed turned into a calf and my mother a cow. While my mother was killed by the wicked wife of my father, I was saved by the steward’s daughter, who I later married.
I was happy for a while, until one day, when my wife and I were out walking when we were approached by two men, they were the brothers of my step-mother and were also magicians. They blamed me for what happened to her and they wanted revenge, however, they offered us a chance. They were seeking a lamp and genie and they knew my wife was a magician with knowledge of its location. The older brother was especially obsessed with their quest and demanded her help.
They promised to spare us if she would tell them where to find the lamp. Though my wife knew about the lamp and had a book which could lead them to it she also knew the two brothers were wicked of heart and would use it for evil so she refused.
In their anger, they tried to curse us with death. My wife saved me but was unable to help herself. As she lay dying, she cursed them so that they would be unable to retrieve the lamp if they ever did find it. The older brother, using a genie he had in his ring, escaped after that, hoping to get away before the curse could affect him, however, the younger one cursed me so that I became an old man, robbing me of my youth.
Ashamed, I left my country without seeing my father. I only sent him a note, telling him that my wife was dead and I was going to travel. I left and explored the world, learning all I could about magic until I heard of a fairy who had helped the man she loved from his two wicked brothers. I am traveling to find her now, hoping she can help break the curse and restore my proper age.
"That is my story," the third old man finished, "was it worthy of a third of the merchant's life?"
The first man with the deer had held off until then but seeing now that this was his son, he ran to him and embraced him, promising to help find the fairy so that he could be young again.
The genie was moved by their reunion and agreed to spare the merchant.
Arabian Nights retold by Andrew Lang
What a great story, Elyse. Adapting your own version of The Third Old Man is a great exercise in that it involves "inception" element. You have the potential to apply your own take on both the overarching narrative and the stories-within-the-story as well. Your writing here transitions very smoothly, it was a breeze to read. Looking forward to checking out some of your other stuff.
ReplyDeleteHi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteThank you for putting the Author's Notes first. As someone how has not read the Arabian Nights, the story would of been a little confusing. I do have one question, why was the merchant threaten by death by the genie in the first place?
I really liked you story, and I look forward to reading more of your stories throughout the semester.
Best,
Kevin
Elyse,
ReplyDeleteGreat idea with introducing the story first rather than having the author's note at the end. I would have been really confused since I didn't read the same unit you did without it! From your note, I was curious about why the genie was threatening the merchant to begin with. I like your story and your writing style a lot, I was left wanting more length and substance. Great story! Can't wait to see what else you contribute.
-Moriah C.
Elyse,
ReplyDeleteGood job on this story-- The emotional element of the father and son being reunited was a great touch.
Putting the author's note first was a smart move, one that I will probably use in my own stories. Thanks for the good idea!
Some comments:
In the first paragraph of your author's note I spotted a mistake. You wrote
"Three men came along and told their tales and finally a third man will tell his."
This is a little bit confusing. Perhaps instead you could say "Three different men had stories to tell, but everything depended on the final man's story."
In the second paragraph of the author's note: "It was his wife, they had no children so he adopted the child of a servant." This sentence could use some more punctuation. Maybe try "It was his wife. They had no children, so he adopted the child of a servant."
In the third paragraph of the author's note, maybe you could say "his wicked brothers" to make it smoother.
Overall good work! I was really impressed with your story, and you gave me a good idea for my own author's note. I hope my comments are useful and don't come off too snobbish. I recently realized I should probably leaving comments that are more helpful than comments like "Wow, I love your writing so much! It was so good, blah, blah." Every writer makes mistakes and sometimes only new eyes can find them.
Good luck with the rest of this semester!
--Ann Marie
Hey Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI think it so interesting that you dove into an inception story avenue. It really adds to this old as time story and almost makes it feel modern, probably because of the movie inception haha. But it was a really enjoyable read that explored a creative idea without losing focus which is really hard to do.