Photo Credit: goodfreephotos
It is a modern retelling of the Canterbury Tales with new characters and a new setting.
My name is Elyse, and I am working toward a double major, Accounting and Finance. Last summer, I went with the business college to Italy to study abroad. While I was there, I took Cost Accounting, which has been my favorite class so far. It may sound boring at first, however, we partnered with a winery to create an extensive financial report, detailing the specifics of how their business has been doing and offering suggestions on how to improve. In a real-world context, Cost Accounting becomes highly enjoyable to someone who likes working with numbers and has an analytical mind. Especially when you are sitting on a mountain, drinking wine, and touring a beautiful vineyard! Next summer, I am going to be interning at Koch Industries up in Wichita. It is only over the summer, however, I hope that it will give me experience I can use in the future, as well as help me to discover exactly what kind of a job I want when I graduate. One thing people like to know about me is my travel exp
Hi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteIt was so much fun to read through the beginnings of your storybook project website. I must say, you are truly off to an exceptional start. My interest was grabbed when I initially got to your site by the image of the train. As a child, I was always a huge fan of trains. That was definitely my thing as a kid. The image you chose was so awesome. The idea for your project topic is exceptional as well. I love that there will be a storytelling competition. Will there be a winner at the end? I cannot wait to see how it unfolds. The image on your introduction page was also fascinating. It made me feel as if I were along for the ride. The rhyme scheme you employed was so great. You can definitely see the hard work that you put in to perfect your writing.
-Andy
Hi Elyse!
ReplyDeleteWow! I felt like it was a real treat to get to read your story! I'm super blown away by how well you were able to keep the plot moving while also maintaining the ballad/poem format of your story. All of the rhyming couplets had me smiling. I think your story just has such a fun vibe and concept to it. It's definitely one that I want to keep up with.
I think everything about your story is super clever. The format of a ballad/poem works really well with the topic you've chosen, which in itself is very clever. I like that it's a modern retelling, but it still has the same adventurous and mostly light-hearted tone of the original Canterbury tales. (If I remember them right from high school.)
I really don't know what to critique about your story, so sorry this feedback isn't so helpful! I think the header image for your website fits really well, and the theme works. The only thing I can think of is that if it's possible to center the text, that might make the website more visually balanced? But yeah, amazing start! I'm actually really looking forward to reading the next part of your storybook!
Hey Elyse, great job on the title! As an avid reader, I think that titles are super important, since it can be the difference between having someone read your story or not. Yours definitely caught my attention and made me want to read it! Also, again, I can’t believe you were able to write your story in couplets! Something like that is hard for me to wrap my mind around, since I have no rhyming ability at all, so the fact that you were able to is amazing. I definitely want to see what stories each of the traveler tells. I assume you’re planning on having the narrator tell a story too? Or do you think the narrator will just serve as judge? I think the only critique I have is the same as what someone commented earlier: if you can find a way to center your words in the middle of the page it would look more visually pleasing. I think if you play around with the settling for Google Sites it’ll let you do that (definitely what I have to do). I’m excited to read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Elyse,
ReplyDeleteThis was by far one of my favorite stories that I have read thus far. I think it is so cool how you made it in a poem format and it actually made me really want to try it. I have always loved poetry and felt that it puts a really cool twist on a story. After reading your story I am thinking about doing this format with one of my stories that is originally not in poetry format. I really also enjoyed your header image and think it ties in nicely with the theme of the storybook. I was going to critique, but I saw that everyone else already did about centering the text. I feel like it may also make it easier to read if the text was bigger or wider. I really am excited to read more of your stories! Are you planning on doing the rest of them in this poetry format? I will definitely check back later to see if you do. Hope you're having a great semester!
Best,
Garrett
Elyse,
ReplyDeleteWow, I was blown away reading your introduction. I love the thought, planning, and creativity that went into the rhyming poetic style of storytelling that you selected. I think a storytelling competition is such a unique and interesting way to frame your storybook! Will the future stories rhyme as well? That would be super interesting to follow. I really enjoyed how naturally the concept of a storytelling competition fit into the narrative that you began, and how unique and well developed your original characters were.
I would be eager to know more about the narrator. The narrator seems to be physically present in the train, and the story is told from a first person point of view with the narrator’s thoughts and feelings, but the narrator is the only character that does not introduce themselves to the other members of the group. Will the narrator also be participating in the storytelling competition, or merely observing?
I look forward to seeing your storybook progress!
-Kate
Hello Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI was really intrigued by your story. It was an interesting twist on the typical storybooks in this class. My favorite part, in particular, was when the boy was telling his story and you made rhymes out of "nope" and "dope". I laughed really hard when I saw that.
I was curious about the rhyming pattern. In general it seemed very consistent, but I would occasionally see a line or two that seemed out of place because they didn't rhyme! Was this intentional or out of necessity? If not, you may try to find another word or two in order to replace these words.
This isn't to take away from how good your story was. It was great, don't get me wrong! I believe the point of this criticism is to provide tangible feedback, and as a reader that was one of the few things that threw me off in your story.
Great work!
Brady
Hi Elyse!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I am beyond impressed by your story. So bold of you to stick with a rhyming pattern. Writing is hard enough without trying to find rhymes. Not only did you try that you were very successful! I can't believe how well the story flowed with the rhyming pattern. You did a really great job of introducing all the characters and setting up the storytelling challenge as your vehicle for the rest of your storybook. The only real criticisms I had were about the formatting of your story. I feel like the story could have used some more images on the side to go along with the writing since it is a rather long piece because it emulates the Canterbury Tales. I just felt that because it was so long maybe breaking up the chunks or strategically placing pictures along with the story could help break up the monotony. I was unsure of your story at first because I really did not like the Canterbury Tales when I read it the first time; however, you definitely proved me wrong. I'm really excited to see where the story goes!
Hey, Elyse!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really neat approach to retelling the Canterbury Tales! So many neat parallels -- it's all travelers, they each have a tale to tell, each (I'm sure) will be trying to outdo the last, etc. Plus, you put it in verse! That's such a challenge to do and maintain the pacing and flow of the story, but you did it well. I thought that it lent a much more regal, Middle Age-y vibe to an otherwise modern storyline. Very fitting for the material you're imitating.
As for your author's note questions:
I really like having it in verse, and I'm sure that you would also tell it well in prose, but I think you should stick to one or the other. Jumping back and forth (in my opinion) would break the flow of the verse and detract from its big selling point (rhythm).
However, I think pictures would be a great addition. I love illustrations, and I think it would make it feel like an illuminated manuscript if you added big pictures to go along with your poetry.
I think you could also add some pictures to your homepage to make it really pop. Maybe make your website feel like the inside of the train car in which your characters are riding? I have no idea if this is something you'd go for, but I think it might add to the sense of immersion.
I'm looking forward to the next story!
Hey Elyse, I like the new story! I admit, I never read the Canterbury Tales, but I’m definitely getting the overall feeling of his stories from reading yours. In answer to your questions:
ReplyDeleteIf you feel able to keep writing in verse, I say go for it! You worry about monotony, but you’re the only one who isn’t writing their story in prose, so your storybook actually stands out a lot by that one thing. But if you’re struggling with all the rhyming, then go ahead and take a break! It’s your project after all. If you do decide to go that route, I suggest using the prose during a big shock or break; something to make it stand out/explain to the audience why there’s a sudden switch in style.
Combine your issues with the pictures and separating out the story from the narrator! You can use the pictures as a break to differentiate between the two. Nothing big and fancy, probably. Something simple would be easier and be less distracting.
I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice on wrapping up your story, yet. But if I think of anything I’ll be sure to let you know!
Hi, Elyse!
ReplyDeleteI love the title of your storybook--it lets readers know in a fun and clever way that this will be a modern version of the Canterbury Tales! I remember reading this in high school and really enjoying it, so I am super excited to see what you do with it! I was beyond impressed that you managed to do both the prologue and the receptionist's story in rhyme, especially considering how long our stories for this class have to be! The rhyming made everything fun to read and keeps readers engaged with the story. The receptionist's story was really quite clever and I enjoyed it tremendously! You also did a brilliant job setting up the next story and also explaining what each character is doing on the train. The images that you used are perfect and really makes the reader feel like they are in the story, on the train with the characters. In conclusion, great job and I look forward to seeing the other characters' stories!
Hi Elyse, I'm back again because I had to read the new story you added!
ReplyDeleteAgain, your story is just so fun to read. The way you rhyme the lines seems so effortless. I'm really curious to learn more about your process and how you get to your finished story. Do you write out some notes about the plot/main story points first, and then write the rhyming couplets? Or do you just go for it and see where the story takes you?
The introduction "Sue" section was a nice length to introduce the full story of the Receptionist's Tale. I love how well I'm able get a sense of the character of Sue in such few words. I think that really speaks to your talent as a storyteller.
I love how the Receptionist's Tale told Sue's story through the fictional lens of a cat and the cat's nine lives. I think Sue's story was so interesting to read this way, and the character is so interesting. I think Sue really reflects the older people we meet who seem so ordinary, but have such rich and amazing histories. Sue seems like the cool grandma we all wish we had.
As far as the questions you left for readers in your author's note:
I love having the story all in verse! I don't think it gets boring at all. I think the verse format really helps contribute to the whimsical feel of your story, and since you decided to keep it more light-hearted, I think it works.
Personally, I think having pictures in the middle of the story would make me lose my place. However, maybe you could utilize a page layout that has pictures next to the story?
I think the vertical lines/page breaks are an effective way to separate the narrator sections and the story sections. No changes needed.
As far as the ending, I don't have any specific suggestions, since I'm really just enjoying the story as you write it! I'm interested to see what you come up with, though, and if I have any ideas next time I'll let you know!
Elyse,
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastic project you have going on here. The work you put in is really apparent, and I think it pays off really well. You should be really proud of what you've accomplished so far! The colors and aesthetics work very well, too.
In regards to your questions, I am personally a fan of verse, but I can see how it can be intimidating to others. I would suggest changing your form in different chapters or sections in the areas that are more important to you and where you want to place emphasis. As for the photos, I think adding them dispersed could be a great way to separate when the narrator versus the stories are being told.
As for the ending, I am excited to see what you come up with! You are obviously a very talented writer and your creativity is incredible. The characters are great, let your imagination keep taking it away! If you invest more what you want to achieve with the characters, I'm sure the perfect ending will play itself out.
I can't wait to see what else you'll add to it later. GREAT JOB!
Hi Elyse!
ReplyDeleteI am breathless. I am impressed. I absolutely loved your reading! First, that was the first story that I have read this whole semester that I smiled the whole way through! I love poems, and I believe you found a really fun way to engage the reader with your stories being written in this style. The rhyming of the poem allows for an easy read, and I do feel that pictures breaking it up might interfere with one's place in reading. Plus, you do such a great job describing that I don't actually need any pictures to help me. I read The Receptionist's Tale, and I loved her story about the Cat and not appreciating something that she had in abundance. To me this connected well the story of the receptionist, and how she lost all her money. I also think you have done a good job already breaking up her personal story from the story she is about to tell. I am from the Indian Epics class, and I was so excited to begin reading the stories from the Myth-Folklore class. I am not sure if it is a good thing or not that I started with your story. It was so absolutely amazing that I am not sure how another story will compare! Great Job!
Hi Elyse!
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time visiting your site and I was genuinely impressed. I have found it to be somewhat challenging to create my own original narratives, but then you do it wonderfully and in VERSE. Props to you. And not only was the rhythm and flow of your piece fantastic, but the content is creative and artful. I loved the irony your poem presents. So often, you hear that we only have one life to live so we should live it to the fullest, usually implying that we should take risks and push ourselves to our limits. However, the cat in your poem loses 8 of her 9 lives by taking those type of risks. Then, with her last remaining life, so close to the end, she chooses to settle down and live a quiet life. Exceptional work! Brava!
Hey Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI read "The Receptionist's Tale" and I really enjoyed it. It was very creative; especially taking on the task of writing the whole thing in verse. I had no background about Canterbury Tales coming into your story, so it took me a minute to realize what was going on, but you did a great job of making it lighthearted and not too dense. My question for you is about the initial introduction. Is Sue the person telling the story in this case? I was a bit confused about Sue. From what I was able to discern, it seems like she is the person telling the story. So if I had any sort of advice, I would suggest clarifying the characters just a little bit for those of us who are unfamiliar.
Great work!
Brady
Hi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I would just like to say how much I enjoy your title. Definitely caught my eye and made me interested to read right away! Great job. Fantastic storytelling. I really enjoy how you decided to format your stories. I think it is so unique and definitely makes me feel as if I am reading an actual fairytale just like I did as a kid.
Your sight looks great! Everything is clear and very easy to read. Having horrible eyesight, I really appreciate how easily everything comes across. I love that you included the comment wall as a button. It is very easy to find and makes navigating the sight so much simpler. I might use this myself on my own Storybook.
I don't really have much critiques. Everything was very well done. Can't wait to see how you finish up the semester!
- Lauryn M.
Hey howdy Elyse,
ReplyDeleteYour page is looking great. The layout that you chose is working very well for the overall theme. Right off the bat- the prose in Tales on a Train is fantastic writing. It caught me by surprise to see those stanzas taking up the page and were a refreshing thing to stumble upon. What a great introduction to your pages. It reads very well, and takes the reader in and out of the world of the story, in those cars, and opens the doors to some surely great storytelling to come. I was stoked to see what the first story that would be told was after I read that first rising passage.
So when I got to Sue's story, I was not shocked at all to see that the narrators voice and the connection with it that the text allows for. Once I got to the Receptionist's the accordance with Canterberry was evident. Great work!
Hi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteFirst off I just want to say that your page design is great. I don't think you need to change anything aesthetically, it already looks really good.
Second, I really like the vehicle you chose to tell your story. I haven't read Geoffrey Chaucer, but now after reading your story I am inclined to. I think the idea of people on a train sharing their stories is a really good way to start the story. The Simpson's sometimes does something similar where they have three miniature stories in an episode, so I have always enjoyed this sort of storytelling.
Also, I am very impressed that you chose to go with a rhyming scheme. I'm sure it would be much easier to write the story out regularly, but the fact that you made it rhyme is so much more enjoyable, and worth the effort in my opinion I think.
Anyways, Iook forward to reading more of your stories, keep up the good work!
Hi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI was so excited to come back to this storybook your writing style is so unique and impressive. I was excited to learn more from each of the characters. The receptionist's tale is so cute. I love that you put in a lesson about appreciating life and brought in cats since I am personally a big fan of cats. The picture you chose is also cute and I think does a good job of setting up a contemplative mood for the cat. Your student's story was similarly interesting. You did a really good job telling a familiar tale but the rhyming pattern made it feel new and exciting. I also laughed when I read the rhyme about yeeting the cup. What a way to bring some modern day slang into a story based on such an old piece of literature. I like that your author's notes explained your writing process because I was also curious about how you were able to write in rhyme. I do wish some more of your author's notes focused on what made you choose the stories the passengers tell. Great work and I'm excited to read the rest of it!
Hey Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI like the new story! I think you did a good job with the flow and the prose of everything. Something I noticed: in your author’s note, you mentioned that your first story and your new one start in different points of view, but it doesn’t look like they do to me. (Unless you already edited your second story and I’m reading it after you did that. In that case, I’d suggest you edit your author’s note to reflect this; I had to do something similar after making major edits to one of my stories). I’m also not going to deny that I laughed a little at your use of the word “yeet;” it makes sense the teenager in the group would use some slang! You’ve got a nice rhythm going on in your stories, and I can’t wait to see what story the actress tells the group.
Hi Elyse!
ReplyDeleteAgain, I am blown away at your ability to write in verse. I chuckled a little when I saw how you rhymed defeat with yeet. Personally, I think I like the moral of this story more than the first. I hear it all the time: "It's not always what you know, it's who you know." Another quote along those lines comes from Horace. "Carpe diem;" seize the day and live your life now, for it is later than you think. For me, I have never really understood why people will save money all of their lives so that they can do what they want in their retirement. Why start living your life so close to the end of it. Anyway, thank for an excellent story. I will surely be back again to read the next.
Hey, Elyse!
ReplyDeleteI just read the second story in you storybook and, once again, I love it! Great job again with the rhyming--that is certainly not something I am good at! I also really appreciate how you talked about how you write in your author's note--it may not seem interesting to you but for those of use who cannot write rhyming poetry so well, it is very informative and helpful (maybe I will try to write something in rhyme for this class...)! Back to the actual story--I absolutely died when the man says "This I will yeet!" So hilarious and enjoyable for readers! Also, fantastic job showing how work can dominate and destroy people's lives. The moral of the story is so true--life is only worth living if you are actually experiencing things, new and old! Great job! I am so excited to read the other story/stories you write for your project--everything is looking great!
Hey Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI am just now getting to see your storybook project for the very first time, and oh my gosh I really enjoyed the whole thing! I love how the stories are written in verse and rhyme because there is no way that I would ever be able to do that, so really great job there! I really loved your author's note because it is really informative, helpful, and gives us some insight into your writing process, which is so cool! I also have to comment on the quote "This I will yeet" because I spit out a little of my water while reading it! I am so excited to come back and see more stories added on. Seriously great job!! Keep it up!
Hi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI love the layout and your overall theme. I never read the Canterbury Tales, but I can gather a pretty good idea of what it’s about from your own interpretation. I really like the way you wrote in verse, more power to you! It looks like it paid off! The only thing I would as is more images. I think more images and illustrations would have been a great asset to your story. However, I really like your header image, it goes great with the theme! Overall, I really enjoyed reading your story and I think it’s so impressive you write in rhyme when you could have written your story out in regular format. The rhyming really sets your story apart from the rest! Keep up the good work and I hope you have a great rest of the semester.
Hey Elyse, nice job on concluding your story! I think it is suiting to leave everything kind of up in the air, especially considering your source of inspiration. I also like how you left the role of the narrator up in the air. I feel like it’s similar to what I did in my storybook: some things must be left for the reader to decide upon. I think the only suggestion I have as far as revision is to maybe change the title of the second part of the last story from “Conclusion?” to “The End?”. When I first saw the title I wasn’t sure if you were trying to decide if that was your conclusion, or if you were going to write an epilogue. Using “The End?” makes it clear that while that’s where the story ends, the characters will go on in their lives. That’s just personal preference on my part though, feel free to ignore that! I’m so glad I go to read your story in this class!
ReplyDeleteHi Elyse,
ReplyDeleteWow great story! I really liked “The Student’s Tale”. I think that you did a great job creating a personal and real story. So often people stray away from a particular major or whatever it may be so that they can make the most money they can. I love how you related your story to such a relatable topic. Your story was witty. I am very impressed with your writing style and format of the story. Your story was very creative and interesting to read. Overall, I don’t have any critiques for your story, it was awesome! I am excited to read some of your previously written stories. You have a true talent for writing! Your entire page so is esthetically pleasing to the eye. My only question for you is why is the story called “The Student’s Tale”? I really liked how the story ended with the man realizing he needed to make a change for the better.
Hey Elyse!
ReplyDeleteAs always, I am impressed with your use of verse to elogently convey your story and its moral. While there were a few points where your meter was a bit choppy and the poem loses its rhythm, they are overshadowed by the imagery being created and the story that is being told. The image that you used is perfect to represent the ruggedness of Hank and his ranch hands but the size of the image, and its placement in the middle of short, centered lines, feels unnatural. Perhaps you can find a way for the image and the text to better co-exist on the page. But I’m being really nit-picky. I thought you did a fantastic job.
Hey Elyse!
ReplyDeleteI was super impressed to see how you've captured both the bouncy fun and the unique glib of the original Canterbury Tales - certainly no easy task, especially when coming out from Middle English. The fact that you've taken the time to put the whole of your story into poetic verse is telling of the effort you've put into this. I know I'm terrible at getting my words to rhyme and bounce together!
Your setting change of switching to something more modern is tasteful and unique, rather than bland or homogenizing (something I've seen quite a bit of, unfortunately). The way you create analogues for the older characters with analogous stories is thoughtful, and provides for a fun and interesting story for both those who have and haven't read the original Canterbury Tales alike. I'm glad to have come upon your story this year.
Good luck here at the end of the semester!
I love poetry, and you've written some amazing poetry for the class on your storybook. The one I enjoyed the most was the receptionists tale about the cat and her nine lives. It was cool to read through her adventures and lives as if we were seeing it through her eyes. Even if it is someone else that's telling the cat's story... bringing it up in the next one where the cat's life is considered one worth living and the lesson was that money and power don't mean you'll be happy, it's perfect. Your story about the poor man and him growing up to have money but not know what happiness is related to the real world so much. Many think that money buy happiness, but in reality living life and having fun the way you want to is happiness. Money is just something you need to go do things!
ReplyDeleteHello, Elyse!
ReplyDeleteIt pains me to say this, but I have actually never had the pleasure of reading your Storybook before. I am really glad that I was able to read it before the end of the semester. Based on your title alone, I can tell that I am in for a good time! I really like the modern twist you included in your title, although I would have asked Siri myself.
I noticed that you do not really have much in the way of an introduction. What information you do include on your homepage, however, is short and sweet. It gives the reader a general idea of what your Portfolio is all about. Your introduction really works in this case!
Overall, I really liked all of your stories! They were very interesting, and, quite honestly, really creative! I know this is the end for this project, but you should continue nurturing your writing talent elsewhere!
Hey Elyse,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to get to read your full storybook project now at the end of the semester! It is seriously so good and I hope you are proud of it because it looks like you put a lot of great work into it! Your website layout is wonderful! The imagery and layout really contribute to the overall theme of your storybook and make it feel like a cohesive experience for the reader before they actually delve into your stories, which is really special. In your stories, I really like how you develop the characters throughout it and build upon them. It really makes the reader feel invested in their progress and wellbeing, which is a testament to your ability. Great work and I hope you kill your finals!